Anger Management: Monitoring Self-Talk




“Self-talk” is what we tell ourselves in our minds about our feelings, perceptions and experiences. Self-talk can help us think our way through a situation or hurt us by increasing our anger for no reason.


Self-talk can be positive or negative. It can make us feel better or worse. Positive self-talk is like having a shield to protect us from over-reacting to anger triggers. Negative self-talk can escalate our anger and make us feel worse because of what we are thinking. So, being aware of our self-talk is a very important anger management tool.


Examples of negative self-talk include:

  • “I’m a failure.”

  • “Nobody cares about me.”

  • “No one will ever love me.”

  • “My kids don’t love me!”

  • “I never back down from a fight!”

  • “My ex did that on purpose to make me mad.”

  • “I always have to get the last word in no matter what.”


Examples of positive self-talk include:

  • "I can control myself, even when my kids are out of control.”

  • “This is not worth a fight. The cops could get involved.”

  • “I can figure it out if I keep trying.”

  • “I can take a time-out if I start to lose it and feel mad.”

  • “This too shall pass."


So, anger management is as close as your own thoughts. Be careful what you think!


The Emerge from Anger program offers voluntary and court-ordered domestic violence and anger management classes in Newhall, California. The classes are court-approved and certified by the Los Angeles County’s Probation Department’s Domestic Violence Monitoring Unit. For more information about our anger management and domestic violence classes, call our executive director, Mark Miller, MFT, at (661) 255-6634.

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